The Pain ...

of Not Being in Control

I have to make a lot of decisions. Both as a self-employed person and as a traveller. And I wrote about how much those decisions tire me out. But lately I realized that not being able to make decisions myself, not being in control myself, is so much worse.

I am stuck ...

In my last post, I pointed out that I was getting a long-term visa. I did not mention that it was a long and annoying process. That is because I had to work with an agency, and out of all the options, which I researched, I chose wrong. I let my wish to come back as soon as possible overturn my judgment and reason, and I walked into traps and made mistakes because of passion for the overall goal.


Now I am stuck with an agency, which does not deliver, does not communicate well or at all, disappears for weeks without notice but is well organized to write invoices and spamming me with reminders.

I had looked forward to ...

Catherine Palace - Summer 2023

Most likely, we have all been in a similar situation, fallen into a trap or met people not dedicated to fulfilling their part of a bargain.


I had looked forward to not needing to take care of thing, to get reminded of the next step, to not worry about anything. The opposite is the case. I am constantly worrying, reminding them, pushing, and arguing. But what bothers me most is that I cannot change my current situation easily. They are in control of the process – and I hate it.


Now I am looking elsewhere for help, bringing a lawyer onto my team. Something I had not planned for the first month in Russia. Not getting lucky – but it could be worse. I could regret taking the step to come here  – but I don’t.

So I go on, and I will make it work. Wish me luck.



I have been an au pair, a tourist, an explorer, and a nomad – looking for nice places to visit and the one place I want to stay forever.

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